Work Lingo

When you begin working at a new company you are always told about the internal lingo and all the acronyms that are being thrown around.  Well, these days there are some new phrases that have become common place in every day business.  Just as we make sure to keep on top of our skills and take courses while  we look for work, why wouldn’t we want to keep up with the lingo as well?

Thank you to Marlys Harris who wrote the article titled, “Avoid These Office Buzzwords.”  I’ve included my favorites…

Brand

Put a good face on. Example: “Okay, so we polluted the groundwater by failing to follow those finicky safety regulations. How should we brand it?”

Go Offline

Pester me about this after the meeting — or preferably never. “Jones, could we go offline to discuss the $10 underpayment of your expense account reimbursement?”

End of the Day

Formerly 5 to 5:30 p.m., now defined as an uncertain point in the future when everything magically turns out okay. Example. “At the end of the day, the pollution in the groundwater may just drain into the earth’s core and become unnoticeable.”

Transparent

Open about the facts, but not to be confused with honest. Example: “We’ve been totally transparent about the 15% fee; we disclosed it on page 37.”

KPI (Key Performance Indicators)

Important measurements, usually of the immeasurable. Example: “The American Psychological Association recently established KPIs for marriage: the weekly incidence of sexual intercourse plus the number of hours spent watching the same TV show, minus total minutes bickering over the proper loading of the dishwasher.”

Human Capital

Human Resources, previously Personnel. Example: “Human Capital is on the fifth floor.”

Skill Set or Fit

Qualifications, generally modified by the words “wrong” or “bad,” and most often used by Human Capital staffers as an excuse for not hiring somebody. Example: “His inability to speak in tongues obviously makes his skill set wrong for the litigator position.”

Throughput

Not your conclusions, but the mind-numbing numbers and facts you chewed over to get there; information generally demanded by a micro-manager who won’t believe that you did the work. Example: “Don’t tell me what you’ve decided about the Taliban beard-comb project; I just want your throughput.”

As I make sure to fulfill my quota of applying to ten jobs a week, I’ll keep these words in mind.

What did you do today?

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2 thoughts on “Work Lingo

  1. Pingback: What are good stocks to buy if I want high dividends? | financial stocks answers

  2. how are you!This was a really outstanding topic!
    I come from roma, I was luck to find your theme in google
    Also I get a lot in your Topics really thank your very much i will come later

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